No mystery behind this one, kids. The message is clear. Rep the respect, and respect what you rep.

Sorry for the surprise gangsta rap. Felt like I needed a palate cleanser after all that Victorian business.

$25.00 | URL Mens Womens Youth| Paypal Credit | Multiple shirt styles – Size availability varies between styles.

In this sendoff, arguably better than those pissing decals (feel free to customize one and send it to a crush. Or your boss.), Calvinized Doc and Marty let everyone know you’re still in touch with what matters. In other words – Date Bait. Enjoy.

$24.00 | URL Mens  | Paypal, Credit | M: S – 3XL

If there’s one way to remind someone they need to stop tripping, it’s the ultimate in Island hand gestures from America’s Jamaica – Hawaii. Home of, most notably, Dog the Bounty Hunter.

Take a page out of Magnum’s book – don’t trip.

$24.00 | URL Mens | Paypal Credit | M: S – L

It’s Brit Skull – and it makes a perfect belated Boxing Day gift for any Harry Potter fan that’s be-bopping around your world.

Now, I know that not all of us can pull off the look of these young inked bruisers, but flying the Union Jack on a skull that stretches your torso will certainly send Her Majesty a message from her cousins across the pond.

And since I like you, and you probably don’t like currency conversion, 20 British sterlings is about 30 of our American dollars. Not bad, Sinstar.

$31.20 | URL Mens | Paypal  | M: XS – XL

In the grand tradition of Amish defiance – and because I hope to channel some of their awesome beard-growing mojo – I’m going to fight the power. Answer the call of the Mennonite Madmen, my peers.

Join your Amish brethren – and Chuck D. Fight the power.

$19.97 | URL Mens Womens | Paypal Credit | M: S – 2XL, F: S – 2XL

Now that the holidays are (for the most part) blissfully over, ‘tis the season to treat myself to a piece of urban flair. After all, I’ve braved the storm. I’ve wrapped up family time without having a National Lampoon meltdown.

And what better way to reward myself for the sanity-bending time with the fam’ than to Deck the Abs with some boughs of badass. Mario’s back. But let’s be real, he never really left. Join me in my new tradition – MeMas. It’s kind of like XMas, but it’s for you. Treat yourself, sweetheart. You’ve earned it.

But look alive, kids. This bad boy’s priced to move. It’s on sale right now, but who knows how much longer that’s going to be. So I say in the spirit of MeMas – this is gonna look bitchin.

Update: They are selling out of this one fast! Only small sizes left. I’ll have to look for another MeMas gift. :’(

$30-$35 | URL Mens| Paypal Credit | M: XS – S

It’s called heavier-than-air flight, gramps. It was probably called “witchcraft” when you were coming up, but now we just call it science.

Next time I see my granddad, I’m going to show him my shirt. And take my twenty dollars.

$32.00 | URL Mens | Paypal, Credit | M: S – XXL

My recommendation? Be like the bacon. Don’t take no guff. And let everyone know what you think. And if that doesn’t work? Start a poor man’s Oasis with your brother. I was going to include a Bacon Brothers clip here, but thought better of it. You’re all welcome.

$20.95 | URL Womens | Paypal, Credit | F: S – XL

Although if there were some sort of Island of Dr. Moreau for civil servants, it might be nice for them to make DMV gorillas or meter maid gorillas. The whole poo-flinging thing may actually be an attitude improvement for them.

$30 | URL | Paypal, Credit | M: S – XXL

(Since Sam was “first” here’s that link, in case you, a devoted Preshrunk reader, find this shirt to your liking.)

Within a couple days after that, my inbox began to resemble this Google image search:

Suffice it to say, I crawled into a hole for as long as I could, waiting for the Sheen-pocalpyse to end. Only after the zombie hoards groaning “WINNING” had faded into the distance and I could no longer hear the splattering of tiger blood rain outside my bi-bomb shelter did I decide it was safe to venture out once more.

So here I am, ready to review some shirts again. If you have an awesome (non-Charlie) t-shirt for me to look at, hit me up.