Preshrunk

Fellow curmudgeons tired of people parroting catchphrases from movies and TV shows, unite! Let us band together and crush those without the mental capacity to come up with something funny on their own.

I’ve been guilty of this too, but I don’t lean on them like some other people do. Seriously, what makes people think that stringing together one-liner after one-liner counts as being funny? Being truly funny is about being original and bringing something new to the table. Unless you’re somebody like Carlos Mencia — but that dude’s not funny, so that’s sort of beside the point, isn’t it?

Even tho this tee from the venerable R. Stevens is a bit verbose, it’s managed to wrap up every last bit of disdain that I have for the folks who depend on other people’s work to make themselves seem interesting. If some of you actually tried being yourself for a change, you might find that it even manages to work better for you.

So here’s to the fall of the unoriginal! May they burn in whatever representation of Hell they believe in — like Wyoming…

$18.00 | PayPal | URL | M: S - 3XL, F: S - 2XL

In my all-time top ten favorite films of all time, “Repo Man” is firmly seated at the top of the vein of cult films that run thru the entire list. As far as I’m concerned, it’s got one of the best plots in movie history. Who’d want to sit thru a snore fest like “Citizen Kane” when you could watch a film about an 80’s punk turned repo man that gets tasked with finding a `64 Malibu containing alien corpses in the trunk?

I don’t know about you, but I know what I would rather watch.

Oh, yeah… On top of that fucking stellar plot description, add one of the best punk soundtracks on the face of planet earth and you’ve seriously got a 30 megaton bomb of awesome on your hands. If you’ve never seen it, it’s seriously worth an add to your Netflix queue or a trip to Blockbuster. You’ll thank me later, honest.

It shouldn’t be surprising that this shirt from Repo Man comes from the folks over at Found Item Clothing. A tribute to the old Ralph’s generic brand labels — and Oly’s tee in “Repo Man” — this shirt shows that you’re not beholden to PBR or High Life with their fancy cans. No sir, you prefer the simple things in life. And as far as we’re concerned, there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

$13.95 | PayPal | URL | M: S - 2XL

Oh sweet irony. In my last post, I talked about being part of the bearded masses — and the very next night I lost my beard in a freak accident at the barbershop. Needless to say, I’m totally a sad panda over the whole ordeal and spent the weekend mourning and starting to grow it back out.

Still, life goes on and y’all require fresh t-shirts — so fresh t-shirts you shall receive… And sweet baby Jeebus, do I have a totally badass one for you today. Design By Humans‘ current shirt of the week uses negative space and silhouettes of an overwhelming flock of blackbirds to its advantage. It’s exceedingly Hitchcockian and a little bit over the top — but that’s why I love it…

I’m not 100% sure how they’re doing the white printing on this black tee — it’s either bleaching or some sort of special dye process — but I know that it’s a really solid effect that steps up the game for other t-shirt design competitions. What’s more, it’s sort of blowing my mind by bringing a whole new level of awesome to the table. I’ve been out of the game a while, so perhaps this sort of tee is old hat to some of y’all — but here’s to hoping that a few of you manage to feel the same way that I do.

$19.00 | Credit | URL | M: S - 2XL F: S - XL

As one of the bearded masses, I’m totally wild over Turn Nocturnal’s “Beware of Beard”. I mean, it’s the perfect warning for folks looking for trouble — because much like the Wu Tang Clan, I ain’t nothin’ to fuck with…

I’m sort of conflicted over this shirt tho. Why? Well, because it suffers from one of the cardinal sins of shirts as far as I’m concerned — back printing. Now I understand that up and coming brands and designers want to get their name out there. I don’t fault y’all for that at all. But taking away from a totally awesome design by slapping a logo or some other unrelated bullshit on the back turns a sale into a no-go for me.

But here I am running the shirt anyway. It’s seriously too damn sweet to just straight up stonewall. As far as I’m concerned, the bad-assed front makes up for the meh on the back. So all y’all hipster kids who dig it but have the same reservations can just toss a blazer over it — or whatever it is you do now to look “dressy — but not too dressy”.

God, I’m so behind on the times…

$15.00 | PayPal | URL | M: S - XL

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