When I was in 4th and 5th grade, we used to get an hour a week in our school’s computer lab. Every week we’d arrive to three dozen Apple IIs loaded with Carmen Sandiego and Oregon Trail.

Ah, Oregon Trail… The bane of my existence. I spent three arduous weeks trying to circumnavigate the Columbia River. After that, I spent six weeks trying to hunt enough buffalo to feed my party. All the while my party kept dying of dysentery and cholera. It took me five months to beat that goddamn game, but I loved it.

Since I like to show off my scars and broadcast my shortcomings, I adore Busted Tees’ “You Have Died Of Dysentery” shirt. It reminds me of swing sets, pizza day in the cafeteria, cub scouts and kickball. Besides, what’s not to love about a shirt that basically says “you died from a bad case of the shits”?

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