The great and mighty R2-D2 is here to school you on how to be a droid. So back up and make way for this titan of technology to roll up to the stairs and then pop out some totally unexpected mini-jets to get to the top of them. He’ll have sex with a nearby console just to open doors and stop trash compactors for you, then he’ll slap that bitch and roll away. Don’t let his stature fool you; R2-D2 is the boss. And he doesn’t have time for that little creamsicle-colored bowling ball, BB-8. That roller-droid better just hand over the the final piece of that map and be on his way, ’cause R2-D2’s gonna save the day like it or not. Wrap this cloth around your torso, because R2-D2 told you to.

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