Category Archives: Novelty T-shirts

Life is what you M/Take of it

This is kind of like that self-help book The Secret on steroids. And I should know. I’ve been telling people I’ve read it for years just so they’d quit recommending it to me. Honestly, every time I want guidance, I just Ask the Dude. By that I mean I drink a white russian while wearing [...]

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Unicorn Cubed

This shirt’s got a lot going on, and I love every second of it. Aside from its obvious correlation to three wolf moon and the bitchin’ unicycle (which may as well be called the NutRacker), this bad boy is sporting a unibrow that would makes a Frida Kahlo self-portrait look tweezed. But there’s a reason [...]

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Respect

There’s a lot to be said for simplicity. Even though the type seems as exciting as a Victorian first date, the message behind this shirt is clear: Respect. Don’t be thrown by the font though. You either love the Pride and Prejudice vibe, or someone you know would respect you for it. No mystery behind [...]

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Great Scott

This one celebrates two of my dearest loves – Back to the Future, and Calvin & Hobbes. Both sustained me when I was a kid – although I still wonder sometimes about Doc and Marty. In this sendoff, arguably better than those pissing decals (feel free to customize one and send it to a crush. Or your [...]

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Don’t Trip

Hulk Hogan. Wilford Brimley. Gandhi. That handsome bastard Tom Selleck. What do they have in common? A Lip Bush that separates the boys from the men. And if there’s one way that a Mustache levels up, it’s by throwing a double-fist Shaka Bra. If there’s one way to remind someone they need to stop tripping, [...]

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Fight the Power

There’s really no two ways about it, the amish are pretty tough folk. They raise a barn like a mug, and they’ve been satirized by the king. But even more impressive is that they’ve never heard of the Kardashians. And that, I respect. In the grand tradition of Amish defiance – and because I hope to channel [...]

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Marioflage

Now that the holidays are (for the most part) blissfully over, ‘tis the season to treat myself to a piece of urban flair. After all, I’ve braved the storm. I’ve wrapped up family time without having a National Lampoon meltdown. And what better way to reward myself for the sanity-bending time with the fam’ than [...]

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When Pigs Fly

I remember when my granddad used to offer me a twenty-dollar bill. When I went to grab it, he’d yank it out of reach like that succubus from Peanuts and cry “When pigs fly!” Well, screw you old man. I’ve got my own twenty dollars now, and I spent it to toss in the face [...]

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Dance Your Ass Off

When Kevin Bacon was taking guff from this shitkicker, did he sit there and just take it? No. Not only did he completely destroy him in tractor chicken, he did exactly what a townie’s t-shirt told him. He danced his ass off. My recommendation? Be like the bacon. Don’t take no guff. And let everyone [...]

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Sunglasses

I have an unhealthy obsession with two things: t-shirts and mirrored aviator sunglasses. Since I pretty much always wear t-shirts that get a reaction out of people, the mirrored glasses help me to walk non-chalantly through crowds of people while scanning for people seeing my shirt, getting it, and smiling/laughing/giving me the finger. So I [...]

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