What’s not to love about unicorns? Seriously? Their horns can cure cancer, they poop rainbows, and they make a tasty spam ‘n eggs.
And they’re probably the most airbrushable of all mythical creatures. Sorry dragons. And Dale Earnhardt.
You may not believe in unicorns. That’s fine. It just means you don’t have a pure heart. Sidebar, seriously read the unicorn-watching tips. That guy knows what he’s talking about.
Plus, Robocop rode one.
Sun Tzu knew that the subtlety of battle was a delicate dance. You have to draw your enemy close to do damage, but if they sense danger from afar, the jig is up. That’s the beauty of the Eff You t-shirt. It lures people in with a thank you, and then
BAM!
Clocked straight upside the head with an old school eff bomb.
Alright, I know what you’re thinking – there’s no way I can wear this shirt around my family. Valid concern. I suggest moving in a serpentine fashion to throw them off your tail. That’s also one from Sun Tzu. Matter of fact, I’m pretty sure he would have been one of the Eff You tee’s early adopters. You bet your buns if they had American Apparel preshrunk shirts in 5th century B.C., Tzu would have been rocking that. Daily.
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What do a Nobel laureate, B.A. Baracus, the Shat, and an O.G. have in common? I’ll bet my chain-wearing, alien-fighting, pale-rapping, poem-writing ass they’re here for the T Party. They’re T.S. Eliot, Mr. T., T.J. Hooker, and Ice-T.
Three out of the four are total badboyZ (it takes a man to cover Elton). But you’re probably asking yourself – why T.S. Eliot? Well, in addition to living abroad before it was "the cool thing to do," I have a theory that T.S. stands for Tough as Shit. Theory goes it was a nickname Hemingway gave him. And that dude ate bullets for breakfast.
And if you don’t know who T.J. Hooker is, ask your dad.
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